How to handle rejection from a lover

Hi, there. Handling rejection can be hard for anyone. It can make about almost anyone’s self-esteem hit on the low. Everyone faces some or the other kind of rejection in their lives at least once. It is a part of life and an essential event when growing up.

Rejection can come from different people in different forms. It can be professional, from someone in a position of authority, a close relative, a friend, or a lover. It is not about how and from who it is coming from, your life depends more on how you handle it. Since we are talking about relationships, we shall be seeing how to handle rejection from a lover.

The ‘idea’ of ‘finding love’ has been so romanticized that people forget that they have to live with their choice of partner as well. The reason why being rejected hurts so much is because we expect so much from the person and do not receive our desired results.

How to handle rejection from a lover

If you have been rejected by a lover or even a potential love interest, you probably know what effect it has on one’s emotional state. One may feel devastated, unworthy, confused, or shattered. All these emotions take a toll on our self-esteem. You may feel lost, stranded, and have a sense of loneliness. There are ways you can restore your mental health and regain your self-worth and get back on track.

Here we will be talking about how to handle rejection from a lover.

Rejection is not an insult

A lot of people take being rejected as a form of insult. In fact, anything apart from appreciation happens to be taken as an insult. There are multiple reasons why someone might reject you.

The reason could be anything-

• Their expectations are different from what you have to offer.
• The kind of relationship you are offering does not suit them
• They have a different taste, standards, or requirements
• Lack of interest on their part
• They are into another gender
• They are aromantic/asexual
• They are interested in someone else
• Maybe, they just simply aren’t looking for a relationship
• Any other reason

None of the reasons mentioned above are aimed at insulting you. Nobody is obligated to tell you the reason(s) why they rejected you. It is their decision and it is what they felt best for themselves at that point in time. What you can do is accept that it is for the betterment of both and move on.

• It is okay to feel bad but there is no point

Feeling bad after facing rejection from a lover is normal but there is no point dwelling on that. There are a lot of other aspects of life to focus on. Distract yourself, get busy doing other things focused towards your betterment.

Remember that rejection is actually pain. According to science, our body reacts to rejection in the same way it reacts to pain. Treat your emotional pain in the same way you would treat a physical one. Practice emotional hygiene.

• Do not stalk them, move on with your own life

Stalking them on social media platforms won’t get you anywhere. Leave them alone. Give them their space. Tracking their activities will only make you feel bad.
I have personally witnessed my known people stalk and waste time on those who are completely unbothered by their lives.

One time, back in college, I had a talk with a friend of mine who asked a girl out who declined his offer. He said something along these lines,” But she rejected me saying that she doesn’t want a relationship a week ago but now she is with some other guy.”

To which I replied, ” But isn’t that her own choice? I mean, it is up to her, maybe she was already interested in him?”

” Yes but she should have said the truth!” he said.

” How would that make it any better?” I simply said.

To this, he had no answer and he realized what he doing was simply a waste of time. He could have focused on better things instead but he chose to ruminate on past experiences and waste his time stalking her on social media.

• Say Thank you, Next

People in professions like sales know how to handle rejection and this is one thing you should learn from them- say ‘Thank you, next’. If looking for a lover is a priority for you right now, then practice saying the phrase based on the infamous Ariana Grande song, ‘Thank you, next’. Move on- explore your options, there is plenty of fish in the sea!
Sometimes rejection from someone may lead you to find a better option for you.

• Do not let your self worth drop

Make sure you do not let your self-worth go down because of one rejection. Free yourself from negative self-talk and practice positive affirmations. Make yourself feel valued. Surround yourself with people who are close to you and make you feel good about yourself. Talk to someone you are close to. Share your feelings and let them go. Make yourself feel better.

• Check what you did wrong

If you wonder why you never get past the first few dates then it’s about time you check if you are missing something there. Do remember, self-introspection and self-criticism are two different things. Do not beat yourself up for making mistakes. Everybody makes some in their life. Sit down with yourself and calmly try to figure out where you might have gone wrong. Do not blame yourself for anything.

• Do not fall under the influence of alcohol or drugs

No matter how much you wanted things to escalate between you and your lover/potential lover, it is not a good excuse to start or increase the use of drugs and alcohol. You might feel like drinking a lot, but it will only make you feel worse as it wears off. Getting addicted to drugs and alcohol eventually ruin your physical and mental health in the long run.

• Do not fear character development

I hope you have realized by now that everyone faces rejection at some point in time in their lives and it is important you know how to handle rejection from a lover. Even if you are unable to handle all these feelings even after trying, it is okay. Practice emotional first aid regularly. Soothe yourself. Every experience in your life makes you the person you are today and if such events have an impact on your personality, let it be for the greater good.

The point is to not lose hope in the fear of rejection. It is a part of life and is sometimes important for character development as well. Who knows someone might be waiting for you but you refuse to go out and meet people. Also read Why you need to step out of your comfort zone and seize the day.