Hi, there. Maintaining relationships isn’t on the list of easiest things to do. Here in this article, we will discuss how to maintain a healthy relationship with your lover. Also, visit our Twitter account for more.
NOTE: This article is not for people with abusive partners. If you are in a physically abusive relationship, seek immediate help.
Everyone wants to be loved and love someone in their lives. People get into relationships every day. Love is, after all, a magical feeling and everybody wants to feel it. This feeling of love makes people want to have a significant other- A significant other, to share these feelings with. Thus, they get into relationships with whosoever wishes to be with them as well.
But, what people fail to realize is that being with a significant other also means they will have to accommodate with their personalities as well. When one or both parties are unable to come to terms with each other, they tend to have arguments, and not all arguments are meant for the greater good. Sometimes people tend to exhibit such behaviors that their partners might find unhealthy or even toxic. When these behaviors go unchecked, there is a rift between the partners and that can be the root cause of further quarrels.
Sometimes there is no argument at all! Some people, instead of bringing up an issue, simply suffer in silence. A silently suffering partner can not show affection. No matter how much they try it just won’t be the same as genuine feelings. One might mimic the behavior of love and affection, but the feeling of love can only be communicated if the expression comes from within the heart.
How to maintain a healthy relationship with your lover
Now, just screaming and crying over minor inconveniences is out of the question; keeping it to yourself is not the most pleasant thing to do, that leaves the option of telling your partner about all your feelings the moment you feel them. But, that is not as simple as it seems. The good news? It isn’t something completely unachievable either.
Here are a few ways you can maintain a healthy relationship with your lover-
1. Communicate with your lover
Communication is key. At this point, it isn’t even surprising. Communicating openly with your lover is a must if you want them to know how you feel. Communicating effectively with your lover is a vital aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship with your lover. Communication is expressing yourself through words or gestures that could be as small as holding their hand or making a cup of coffee for them. Sounds pretty simple right? And so it is! However, there is a way you need to do it effectively.
Here are some things you should keep in mind to effectively communicate with your lover-
Check the timing
Sometimes, you want to be open about something but the timing doesn’t work in your favor.
For example, when you are in a fight that is definitely not a time to tell them about how rude they are being. In some cases they might be mad at you about something you did; this is not a very good time to point out something they did wrong as a counter-argument. When someone is angry, they tend to say things they don’t mean.
Instead of calling them out during an argument in an attempt to make them feel bad, wait for the right timing. Let them cool down. Wait for the time when they are thinking rationally and then talk to them about it. However, call them out right away if they are being disrespectful.
Have some patience, time heals everything
In some cases, one partner might be going through a rough patch in some other area of life. This could make them irritable and they may feel distant. At this point, avoid talking about irrelevant things. For example, if your partner is having trouble at work and is unable to give you their time. It is best not to say something like ” Why don’t we go on dates anymore ?” OR “It seems as if you are not even here.” OR “You are never there for me!”. All of this can lead to two outcomes-
- They will feel hurt and get into an argument with you.
- or They will feel incapable and incompetent. They might feel bad about themselves.
You wouldn’t want that now, would you? Since none of these outcomes are leading to any kind of improvement, why cause a conflict in the first place?
Communicate your feelings and grievances, but, in the right way.
Keeping your feelings to yourself will damage you for the long term, so, you should let it out and talk to your partner. However, you need to make sure you say it the right way. Instead of leading to an unnecessary argument, it should lead to a fruitful agreement or solution which will benefit both.
For example, instead of saying something like “You never spend any time with me!” You can say something like ” Hey, I know you have been working a lot lately but through all this, I feel like you have been devoting too much time to your work and that is taking a toll on me as well. How about we spend some time together this week?”
Here, you are empathizing with your partner which assures them that you fully understand their situation and presenting your grievance as well, also, you are suggesting your partner some alternatives to how they can solve the problem. You don’t always need to suggest solutions, but empathizing with your partner is key to peaceful and effective communication.
2. Express your love for them
Expressing your love for your partner is required to maintain a healthy relationship with them. However, for this, you need to find out what makes your partner feel loved. You can express your love from time to time by making little gestures.
Some people are visual; they need to ‘see’ that you love them, and you need to ‘show’ them that you love them. Gestures like writing them something like a letter or an email, telling them how much you love them, or presenting them with a little gift or even making them their favorite coffee can appeal to them easily.
Some people are more auditory; If you love them, they need to ‘hear’ it from you. You need to ‘tell’ them that you love them. Sending them a voice note, dedicating them a song, or just saying ‘I Love You’ from time to time can appeal to them.
Just as some people are more visual, some more auditory, some people are more kinesthetic; They need to ‘feel’ your love. This can easily be done by physical gestures from time to time, like, a kiss on the forehead or the hand, a head massage, a simple hug, holding hands, brushing their hair away from their eyes. There are multiple gestures that can appeal to them. Such non-sexual intimate gestures can mean the world to your lover and help you maintain a healthy relationship with them when you are unable to get sexually intimate.
To maintain a healthy relationship with your lover, you do not need to get expensive gifts from time to time, little gestures on a regular basis go a long way. If you do not know if your lover is more visual, auditory, or more kinesthetic, do not worry. All three modes can appeal to them, you just need to find out which one is ‘more’ appealing. The point is if you use all three, visual, auditory, and kinesthetic gestures, you can express your love in a more effective and appealing way.
How to find out what appeals to them the most
The easiest way to find this out is to just observe. Observe what your partner appreciates the most. The simplest way is to observe how they express their love to you. Do they prefer saying it? Or is’showing’ their love more important for them? Or do they like to hold hands, kiss you on the cheek/ forehead more? Answering these questions can easily point out what their preferred mode is and what will appeal to them the most. Getting expensive gifts can be a one-time thing on occasions like birthdays and anniversaries, and are very much appreciated but the excitement dies out after that one special day while love still needs to be expressed regularly.
3. Respect each other’s time
While managing areas of your life, like career, is important so is managing relationships. If you happen to be in a busy phase or if you happen to be in a relationship where you don’t live with your partner or one or both partners live with their respective families, time is bound to be an issue. People have other priorities apart from their respective partners and those things can keep them occupied for quite some period of time. However, that does not mean they do not love you or respect you enough.
When one partner may be free the other might be on their busiest schedule. It is important for both partners to make time for each other. If you are unable to meet up or happen to be busy, get a hold of each other’s schedule, and decide upon a convenient time to meet. If you are unable to do that, texting from time to time to check up on your lover or even calling them up and having them talk about their day can be quite fulfilling sometimes. Let your partner know beforehand if you are busy.
However, if your lover is unable to make time for you due to genuine reasons, they expect you to understand their situation. Respect their time. If they are making an attempt to make time for you, appreciate the effort. It is a healthy way to let your partner know you care about them.
4. Make efforts. Acknowledge efforts. Appreciate those efforts
To maintain a healthy relationship with your lover it is essential that you acknowledge the efforts they make for you. Did they organize your study table for you? acknowledge that. They started watching the show you like? Let them know that you see that effort. Appreciate what they do for you. It could be as simple as writing a little note and hiding it in their pocket for them to see. You could even text or send them an email telling them how much they mean to you.
5. Surprise your lover (maintaining a healthy relationship with your lover)
Going by the same old routine can be hectic and boring as well. The need for variety is one of the core emotional needs a person has. Making some changes in the daily routine can help maintain a healthy relationship with your lover.
For example, you can change the kind of clothes you wear once in a while or try a new hairstyle. Try going to a new place instead of the places you visit every time. Surprise them.
There are a lot of things you can do to surprise your partner from time to time. If you feel like you are running out of things to talk about, making these little moves can help you get out of that state of the ‘same old same old’. You will have something to talk about and make it a lot easier to avoid emotional burnout.
6. Have a healthy friend circle
Now, this is more important for couples living together. Having a healthy friend circle allows both partners to have a life outside of the relationship as well. One can do activities alone once in a while and this can give both parties a break. This gives the other person a chance to miss their significant other and enjoy their alone time as a person as well. This gives both the partners something to talk about and connect over.
7. Intimacy- Physical and Emotional
Being intimate with your lover is very much required to maintain a healthy relationship with them. Intimacy can be both physical and emotional.
Emotional intimacy is opening up to your partner about your feelings. Telling them how you feel about things and being open about your life are some ways to be emotionally intimate. Sharing your opinions, ideas and thoughts are acts of emotional intimacy.
Just as emotional intimacy means being open about your emotions and thoughts, physical intimacy includes physical touch. Getting comfortable around each other’s physical appearances and physical touch- sexual and non-sexual, are acts of physical Intimacy.
Intimacy builds trust between the partners and strengthens the bond. Moments of intimacy are vital for both the partners to feel the connection between each other.
Maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner requires effort from both ends. A relationship is a two-way commitment, also, if your partner seems to be distant, speak to them, empathize with them, and ask them what is wrong.
Arguments happen. They will keep happening over one issue or the other. When you are with someone, both the partners have their say. Sometimes, there are differences in requirements and this leads to disagreements. However, if the arguments are too frequent, and emotionally draining leading to burnout, it is best to walk away from such relationships.
For a relationship to be healthy, both partners ought to respect each other. Mutual respect and love are essential for any relationship to be healthy, also, thanks, for reading How to maintain a healthy relationship with your lover. Also, read How to tell your parents something really bad freely.